Friday, 30 March 2012

Titanic 3D: Just Make it Stop

Titanic 3D poster Leonardo DiCaprio Kate Winslet

So, Titanic 3D is finally here, crashing into CGI icebergs in theatres all over the land. Admittedly, certain scenes in Titanic will probably look very impressive in three dimensions - the scene where the ship cracks in half for instance, or when the people start falling hundreds of feet to their icy deaths. But surely I can't be the only one who is just a bit flabberghasted by, shall we say, the 'indelicacy' of releasing a film about a disaster in which many real people lost their lives in 3D?

I'm not saying that we shouldn't make films about horrible events in which many people died. What I am saying is that we shouldn't make films about horrible events in which many people died, and then dig them up again fifteen years later in order to cash in on the latest technical gimmick while 'experiencing' Jack Dawson freezing to death in the Atlantic 'like never before'. Can't we just let him die? Hasn't the poor bastard morphed into a block of ice and sunk into the depths of Davy Jones' locker enough times by now? It's like he's stuck in some sort of hideous watery Groundhog Day.

Speaking of which, the titanic obsession with the Titanic seems to know no bounds this year, what with ITV's new four episode series chronicling the sinking. From the looks of it, the series (which quick-minded Twitter folks have already nicknamed 'Drownton Abbey') is going to drag the sinking out indefinitely from every possible viewpoint.

Why is everybody so obsessed with the Titanic? Yes, quite a lot of people died that night, and a few of them were rich and famous in their day, but it's been almost a century. They've drowned enough. This whole thing is starting to look ridiculously like Bill Murray's suicide montage from Groundhog Day. No-one in their right mind could possibly have any interest in watching 1517 people drown (again) in 3D. One has to wonder what the execs were thinking when they came up with this gem. Oh, that's right, they were thinking of the money.

More people should be taking a leaf out of the book of Hunger Games director Gary Ross; Ross has said that while he is in charge, none of the Hunger Games films will be shot in 3D because it would cheapen the subject matter (the subject matter being institutionalised child-murder).  It might be nice to see somebody in this industry say no to the extra royalties and yes to a little bit of good taste.

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